


Now You Want Me (But What if Your Heart's a Liar)

by abigailamidala



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Brotp, Darcy Lewis is Tony Stark's Daughter, F/M, Ian is a dick, Jane Foster & Darcy Lewis Friendship, Original Characters - Freeform, POV Darcy Lewis, Pre-Thor (2011), relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2015-12-01
Packaged: 2018-05-04 09:11:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5328647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abigailamidala/pseuds/abigailamidala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy Lewis' torrid relationship begins with Ian Boothby begins when she meets him in high school. This continues until she moves to attend Culver University, where she meets Jane and Phil. Darcy struggles with her relationship/not-relationship with Ian since his words are sweet but his actions are bitter. Full of angst, and a surprise happy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Small Beginnings

Darcy was seventeen when she first met Ian Boothby. It was her first day on the job at the Walmart in Albuquerque. She had been hired on as a cashier and today was orientation for her. One of her friends from school worked in the deli area, so she headed that way before heading out for the night. She had changed into something more formal since her mother’s work dinner started in half an hour.

She wore a black pencil skirt and dark purple blouse tucked into it, hugging the curves that had started to emerge that year. She had buttoned up the blouse as far as it would go, trying to cover the cleavage that showed now with her ever-growing breasts. She had only managed to do up the button just below her cleavage, and even that button was barely hanging on. She would just have to remind herself that she couldn’t breathe too much tonight.

“Are you Darcy?” the man in a white apron and hair cap smiled at her as she spoke with her friend. His voice was smooth and velvety, his hint of an accent catching her attention. Darcy’s friend rolled her eyes and walked away, knowing where this was going. Evelyn and Ian didn’t get along very well in the department, so Darcy had heard.

“Yes, you must be Ian.” She smiled in return, spotting his name tag. She had heard a few stories from Evelyn during lunch break but hadn’t taken them too seriously. He nodded in return before Darcy noticed that her mother had arrived to pick her up.


	2. Tattoo Parlor

Today was the day of Darcy’s tattoo appointment, and so far no one was coming with her. She had texted a few people from school a few days before to see what everyone was up to, and so far, they were all busy. Carly had left town with her family for the weekend, Evelyn was working, and Evangeline was also out of town for the day. She didn’t have many people to count on in the first place, and so far she was out of luck. Darcy’s mother had meetings all morning, and in the afternoon was babysitting Darcy’s younger cousin so even she couldn’t take Darcy in.

Darcy opened her phone, scrolling through her timeline to see if she even had an acquaintance who was remotely not busy on a Saturday afternoon. She checked the list of online friends, and saw a little green dot beside the name “Ian Boothby”. Her stomach flipped slightly, feeling the strange pull to message him. His hazel-green eyes had caught her in a web ever since she first saw him in that deli apron and hairnet, a net of which she could not find herself able to escape. S

he clicked on his name and typed out a quick message. The time was now 8:30am.

_Can’t sleep, Ian?_

She put her phone down and rolled over to plug her charger into the bottom when his reply came quickly, _No, I’m just up early. How are you, Darcy?_

_A little nervous. May I ask why?_

_I have a tattoo appointment today but so far I’m going alone._

_That sucks. Tell me about it._

_Everyone’s either working or out of town_.

_I see._

_Yeah…_ Darcy bit her lip, letting her phone drop beside her as she tried to keep her nerves at bay. Her and Ian had not had a real conversation up until now, whether it was over text or face-to-face. They had always seen each other at work and silently acknowledged each other. She hadn’t gotten up the courage to say anything functional to him when he came through her till either. Even when he and Evelyn had gotten involved, and fallen out shortly after, she still could not feel the courage.

_So what are you up to around 3 o’clock today?_

_Is that when the tattoo will be?_

_Yes._

_I don’t have a car._

_I can pick you up._

There was a long pause before Darcy’s phone buzzed again. The time was now 9:00am.

_What do you need me to do?_

_Possibly let me squeeze your hand in pain._

_I think I can do that._

_3?_

_Yeah, 3._

_I’ll send you my number around 2._

_Thanks._

 

Darcy and Ian had arrived at the parlor around 2:50, just in time for her to sign in, get her mother to sign for her tattoo (since she was still seventeen), and get her design to the artist for her to copy. Darcy sat at one end of the couch, letting Ian sit down beside her as she tapped her foot in anticipation.

“Thanks for coming with, Ian.”

“No problem, Darce. Is this your first?”

“Nope, this baby here was my first.” Darcy pulled down the sleeve of her sweater to reveal the still-barely healed cancer ribbon on her inner arm. The ribbon was in the shape of a heart at the top, the colour still a dark blue.

“What are you getting this time?”

“I’m getting one to match my mother’s. It’s a bit weird, but I want to have it be special for us since I know that when I go away for school she’ll be with me still.”

“That’s nice. I’m sure she’ll like it.”

“Well I’d hope so, since she’s already got it herself.”

Then it was time.

 

Ian had pulled up a chair beside Darcy, who was lying on her stomach in the tattoo chair, her sweater tucked under her chin. The artist, Hannah, had checked on her first tattoo, which had been done only a month prior, and set to work to get the ink ready. Once the needle first touched her skin, Darcy grabbed at Ian’s hand, preparing herself for when the real pain hit. That would only come within a few moments since Hannah got right to work with the outline. Darcy squeezed Ian’s hand as he kept her talking, asking about school and how things had been going with her current boyfriend, Tim.

Darcy gave him vague details of Tim through clenched teeth, allowing her hand to hold his harder when Hannah went over certain lines more than once. She told Ian about Tim’s jealousy issues, his insecurities, and his occasional tendency to break things when he got angry. Sometimes the things that broke were not things that could be seen.

“You’re only seventeen, you know. You don’t have to stay with him.”

“You’re right. But I don’t know what he would do without me.”

“He would be fine.”

The appointment in its entirety was only an hour, but the pain made Darcy feel like it was longer. She took a look in the mirror before Hannah placed the bandage over her right shoulder. She loved it.

After she dropped off Ian, Darcy’s phone went off. It was Tim.

_How did the appointment go?_

Darcy waited until she got home and was parked before she typed out a quick reply.

_Good, it looks great._

_So you went alone?_

_No, Ian came with me._

_Ian? Who the fuck is Ian?_

_I work with him at Walmart, I’ve mentioned him to you a few times. Evelyn used to be involved with him for a bit so his name’s come up at school too._

_No you never mentioned him. Who the fuck is he and what did you two do?_

Darcy’s throat closed up as she decided to get out of her car and start walking up to the door. She sent a quick text to Ian, panic running through her as she knew Tim was now jumping to conclusions and she knew what came next.

_Stay strong, Darcy. It’ll be okay. Just tell him the truth._

_The truth? Even if I do, he won’t believe me._

Tim’s texts were coming in at multiples now, full of swears and accusations. She sent off a reply explaining at she and Tim hadn’t done anything other than talk while she was in the chair and he replied with another accusation. Darcy’s heart started to break.

_Ian?_

_Yes Darcy?_

_I think he just broke up with me._

_WOW. Is there anything you need?_

_Maybe a hug._

_Tomorrow, if you’re at work. I’ll see you then Darcy. It’ll be alright._


	3. Ride Home

Evelyn, Darcy and Carly had taken off from school early with the free period. They had stopped at Evelyn’s house before heading off to Carly’s so that she could get ready for work. She was the latest out of all of the seniors to join the ranks at Walmart and had been placed in the Garden Center. Darcy smiled as she played around with Carly’s cats, the sore spot on her shoulder now fully healed and the sore spot in her chest still throbbing from Tim. It had been a few months now since they had split. He had spent the entire week after her appointment begging and pleading her to come back to him and forgive him before he gave up.

During those few months Darcy had begun to hang out with a few new people from work. She had been transferred to the foods’ side of the store now and had met a few new people through Evelyn. There was Randy in produce, and Phil who was a truck unloader. He came by her department every once in a while to talk to them and she had seen him in the lunchroom a few times. Evelyn had switched to meats since her and Ian had fallen out, so that she wouldn’t have to speak to him ever again. She tended to hide away from exes whenever she encountered them.

Today was a day off for both Evelyn and Darcy, so they arrived at the store with enough time for Carly to sign in and get to her department. The two of them went through the store to wander now, since Darcy had no homework to get to until later tonight. They had passed by the electronics section when Darcy saw Ian wandering about.

“Ian?”

“Hey!”

Darcy ran over and gave Ian a hug, jumping slightly at the last minute so that he would catch her and lift her up off her feet slightly. He hugged tightly, the way she liked. This had become a thing now since Tim had left her. At first it was to help her feel better, and now she realized that she craved those hugs, those few seconds of warmth and comfort from Ian.

“Do you work today?” she asked when he let her back down, breathless only a little bit from his tight hold.

“No actually. I came in thinking that I work, but they had changed my schedule from the last time I was in.” He pulled out his phone and showed her the picture he had taken. His current shifts had been crossed out and new shifts were penciled in. She could see his frustration.

“So what are you going to do now?”

“Probably call my grandpa in a bit, he’ll pick me up.”

“Well I can give you a ride.”

“Yeah?”

“As long as you take a walk with me.”

“Of course,” Ian smiled, holding out his arm for Darcy to take. She linked arms with him before they took a walk around the store.

“I wonder where Evelyn went. She took off as soon as we saw you.”

“She’ll be around.” Darcy smiled, grabbing a few things with Ian still on her arm. She picked up a new tube of lipstick and some eyeliner since hers was running out. She tried not to drool when she saw a new poster for Captain America had been put up in the poster bins.

“I'll buy it for you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, consider it an early birthday present.”

Darcy laughed the entire drive back to Ian’s, his voice warming her insides when he spoke. He leaned over the seat and gave her a hug, whispering softly in her ear before leaving the car, “Bye Darce.” Her pulse was going wild as she drove herself home, instantly hanging up her new poster with the rest of them, and shifting a few over to make room.

Later that night Darcy sent Ian a quick text before bed.

_Ian?_

_Yes Darcy?_

_I like you._

_Darcy… I’m sorry. I have a girlfriend. And I love her._


	4. One Year Later

Darcy was getting ready for work, pinning up the mess that was her hair into a manageable ponytail. Since graduation she had held down a full time job at the Lowe’s in the city, saving up money for when she was prepared to move out for university. She was looking at places all over the country, but so far Culver had called out to her. Her only complaint was that it was so far away from home but she knew it would be good for her, and her mother was happy that she was considering Culver since she had gotten her degree there before going on to Harvard Law.

            Darcy scrolled through her phone, her contacts lacking lately since she and Tim had reunited after graduation. Not many of her friends had stuck around after she made her decision. And they were right to be angry with her. In the past six months Tim had gotten worse, to the point where he didn’t even seem to care anymore. She had to pull out all of the stops for him for their dates, had paid for everything, had even found him a place to live on her end of town. He held down a job only a few blocks away from here, but he complained about it so much that she wasn’t sure how much longer it would be before he quit.

            A familiar name caught her eye, and she sent off a quick text. A reply came in a few minutes later, once she had set the final pin in place to keep her curls in check.

            _Darcy. It’s been a long time. How have you been?_

_Never better. How have you been, Ian?_

_I’ve been alright. Although single for a bit now. Girlfriend left me._

_I’m sorry to hear that… I’m back with Tim._

_Oh, how’s that going?_

_It’s been….._  Darcy hit send before she could finish, unable to form a positive response.

            _Darce, you can tell me._

_It’s been worse. I don’t know what to do._

_Do you want to talk about it?_

_No. I don’t even want to think about it._

_Well, what are you doing right now?_

_Getting ready for work. My shift’s not until 1._ The time on her phone read 9:07am.

            _Do you want to come over and watch a movie?_

Darcy’s stomach flipped, surprising her a bit. She clicked the lock button on her phone and placed it on top of her dresser, sitting down. She tried to leave it alone for a few minutes while she did her makeup but her eyes kept creeping back down to the black screen of her iPhone.

            She picked it up and her thumbs had never moved so fast.

            _Do you still live in the same place?_

_Yes._

_I’ll be there in twenty. I’m still getting ready._

_See you then, Darce._

Darcy smoothed out her blouse, pulling out a hoodie and slipping it on over her head, careful to keep her hair intact. She sat down on her bed and tried to keep her heart from beating too fast. Since Ian had refused her one advance, she had backed away considerably, to keep the sting of rejection at bay. She had seen him at her graduation with Phil, since he had been a last minute addition to the grad party escorting one of her classmates. She had picked up her dress up an inch or two so that she could walk properly and had made her way over to her quickly. He hugged her with a ferocity she knew Tim would never match, lifting her and squeezing tight enough for the bones in her corset to tighten.

            She had been breathless on her way back to her family, ignoring Tim’s jealous stares as her family made their way to the banquet next.

            Darcy had kept minimal contact with Ian up until now, hoping that the distance would make her affections lessen. According to her racing heart, it had not worked. She left home, her hands shaking slightly on the steering wheel as she made her way to his house. His grandmother opened the door, calling out to Ian that he had a friend at the door. He appeared at the top of the stairs with a smile, and invited her to his room.

            Darcy kept her hands in her sweater as he booted up a movie on his computer. They had decided on Dredd, since she had a soft spot for Karl Urban. She sat with her back to the wall on his bed, keeping a bit of a gap between them so that he would not notice her still shaking hands.

            “Darce, are you okay?” Ian’s soft voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

            “Hmm?”

            “You seem a bit preoccupied.” He moved closer to her slightly, not helping Darcy’s situation at all. Her breath caught in her throat, Ian mistaking it for a different emotion.

            “Darcy, what’s wrong?”

            “Nothing, just my relationship I guess.”

            “That’s pretty big, you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

“I feel like if I do, I’ll cry.”

“Darce….” Ian’s voice lowered, not in volume but in tone. He leaned in and put his arm over Darcy’s shoulder lightly. He pulled her in for a side hug, which was made only a little awkward by the fact that Darcy wanted so badly to cry.

            “I don’t know what to do, Ian. I feel like I have to stay at this point, I’ve been with Tim for so long by now.” Darcy’s voice broke, and she cleared her throat slightly to cover up that fact.

            “Darcy… Nobody can make you stay for any reason in the world. You can leave whenever you need to. And you’ll be fine. He will be fine.”

            Darcy sighed, curling against Ian’s side in search of comfort. He smelled good, right at the base of his neck. She took a deep breath, partly to center herself but also to breathe him in. Her heart raced faster as he rubbed her upper arm, looking down at her to smile.

            “How about another movie?”

            “Of course!” Darcy smiled, Ian shifting off of the bed to cue up another one. They picked Rise of the Guardians this time, and within a few minutes of downloading the file they realized that the version they had picked was in Russian. Darcy laughed until her stomach hurt, but they decided to keep watching anyways, enabling English subtitles for the two of them to read.

            The time read 12:40pm.

            “Oh shit. I have to go to work now,” Darcy said regretfully, looking down at her watch.

            “Aww,” Ian pouted slightly, his mouth going askew in a bittersweet smile. “Well, do you work tomorrow?”

            “Same time, yeah.”

            “So we can finish it before then, in the morning.”

            “Of course.”

            Darcy stood and picked up her bag, straightening her sweater where it had ridden up. Ian stood and hugged her tightly, whispering low in her ear. “See you, Darce.”

           

            The next two days were filled with the same thing. Darcy would get ready for work in the morning, then head over to Ian’s for another movie. Sometimes she would open up a bit about her relationship with Tim, other times she would talk about work. He sat and listened to her patiently. The second day had Ian handing Darcy part of his blanket to cover up with in order to escape the cold of the a.c. Near the end of the movie Ian had placed his arm around Darcy’s shoulders and held her against his side. She had leaned into him without a thought and rested her head against his shoulder, breathing him in again. She was starting to get addicted to the scent.

            Darcy felt her heart racing during the entirety of their time together, and it seemed like Ian noticed. By the third day, Ian had reached over and taken her hand with his free one. He stroked her thumb with his own, his a bit rough and hers smooth. By the third day Ian had placed a small kiss upon her cheek, leaving Darcy warm in more places than one.

            “My family’s out of town for the weekend, we’re leaving after I’m done work.”

            “Oh, what for?” Ian had looked down to her where she had rested against his shoulder. He lifted his hand from hers and tucked away one of her curly, which she had kept loose for the day. The result was a bit of a mess, since the way her hair dried resulted in her curls twisting and turning in ways she usually didn’t like.

            “My mom heard of a star gazing festival in Santa Fe, so we want to go. Tim’s trying to come with us but I don’t think my mom will go for it.”

            “She’s not fond of him, is she?”

            “After a few years, his habits get really old. Especially on someone who has to watch them secondhand.” Darcy had extracted herself from Ian’s side, stretching her arms as she moved to the edge of the bed.

            “When can I see you again?” Ian pulled himself to sit beside her again on the edge of the bed, leaning close to her so that there was less than a foot of space between them. Darcy tried to keep her breathing even, feeling his gaze on her as she directed her own to his lips. They were a light pink, and extremely soft looking.

            “Monday. I’ll come by again on Monday.” She smiled, debating hard on her next move. She decided against it and stood, leaving herself hanging as she went off to work.

            Tim came with Darcy and her mother to Santa Fe that weekend, giving way to more fights and Darcy eventually hiding away in the hotel bathroom with her phone.

            _I’ve never wanted it to be Monday before in my life._

_Tim acting up again?_

_He’s doing it continuously in front of my mom this time. She looks about ready to send him home early._

_Let her. Get him out of there, Darce._

_Ian. Are we going to talk about what happened?_ Darcy’s heart hammered in her chest as she thought back to having Ian in her proximity, his strong arms enveloping her as she breathed him in, all of him. From his soft, messy brown hair, to his velvety smooth voice, to his green hued eyes that seemed to pry every secret from her lips.

            _If we have to, we will on Monday._


	5. First Times and Last Times

Darcy had decided to lie down on the bed today. PMS had set in way too early, giving her the cramps that signaled that the dreaded week was only a few days away. The bed was comfortable but firm, which helped with her back pain. Ian cued up their most recent movie choice, before laying down beside her, tucking his arm beneath her. They had barely talked since she had arrived this morning, and she wasn’t planning on talking yet until her thoughts were straight. Ian leaning over her with his arm under her head was all too distracting.

            She could see the intent in his eyes before anything else, causing her traitorous heart to thump wildly in her chest, almost painfully so. Her hand lifted, touching his stubbled cheek lightly. They leaned in at once, Darcy leaning upwards to press her lips to Ian’s softly. His lips were as smooth as she had imagined, his own moving with hers in a slow rhythm. Darcy felt herself give into Ian’s embrace, his lips pulling her in deeper to a hole of which she knew there was no escape.

 

            Two days later Carly insisted on spending the day with Darcy and Ian, of which they both agreed despite certain reservations. Darcy knew that her friend tended to be overprotective when it came to her love life, but she knew that Carly was looking out for her emotional well-being. Carly had wanted to investigate for herself where this thing between Darcy and Ian was going.

            But first Darcy had to drive Tim around for the morning. He had an optometrist appointment and had taken time off of work to get it done. This was Darcy’s day off so naturally she was the first one to be volunteered to cart him around.

            He woke up in a bad mood that morning. When she arrived at his place around 9:00am, he was stomping around and throwing things already. She sat down in the living room and leaned against the arm of the couch, her cramps had arrived in full force, signaling the very soon coming of Mother Nature.

            “Come take a shower with me,” Tim demanded, pulling on her arm to get her up off the couch. Darcy pulled away, sitting back down.

            “I can’t even stand right now,” Darcy curled up on the couch again, grabbing her allocated fleece she tended to keep at his place for movie nights. “My period started today.”

            “I don’t care,”

            “Well I do.”

            Tim growled and stomped upstairs, leaving Darcy with a feeling of dread in her stomach. It did not mix well with the pain of cramps, it made her feel sick. She texted Carly to warn her that it would be a difficult morning and to expect her to be late for lunch.

            _How is he?  
            Terrible. I think this might be the day._

_You’ll be better off without him if it is._

When Tim came downstairs again, ready to go. In his hands he held the torn remains of the Halo shirt Darcy had given to him for their first anniversary. The shirt was torn across the back and was nearly in two pieces. Tim tossed the shirt to Darcy, her hands catching it before it hit her in the face. “Here, it’s garbage.” he growled before slipping into his steel-toed boots. Darcy swallowed the swell of emotion that blocked her throat.

            Darcy drove to the optometrist’s office, staying in the car while Tim went in. Darcy felt around for the torn shirt which she had tucked beneath her seat. The shirt was well worn over the past few years and she could probably sew the shirt back up until it was in optimal condition, but no one could repair the damage done to her heart.

            Tim got Darcy to drive him to get an early lunch, which she paid for. She drove into the front parking lot of his work, a shipping warehouse and killed the engine. He began to eat, digging into his giant burger in a fervor like he hadn’t eaten in days. Darcy snuck one of his fries, his attention on the food currently in his hands. When she tried to take another, he pulled the fries away. Darcy rolled her eyes and waited for him to finish.

            “Have a good day at work,” she said sweetly, the smile feeling all too fake. Tim didn’t notice but seemed insulted nonetheless.

            “You want to get rid of me already?”

            “Well you said you’d only taken off work for your appointment,”

            “I know, but you don’t want to spend time with me?” he sounded hurt.

            “Tim, I’ve got things to do. I’ve made plans with Carly too since it is my day off. You don’t have a full day off.”

            “But we never get time off together.”

            Darcy sighed, putting her hand on his lap lightly. “No, we don’t. And I wasn’t planning on spending my entire morning with you, so I can’t get my stuff done. Go to work, Tim.”

            “No, not until you tell me what’s going on.” he voice hardened, making her stomach drop.

            “There’s nothing going on,”

            “Then why don’t you want to be with me right now?”

            “Because I wasn’t planning on spending my free time driving you around, and I’ve got errands to run today.”

            “You’re being a bitch right now, you know that?”

            “Get out.” Darcy knew that a fight was brewing in him, not one that she was prepared for.

            “What?”

            “Get out of my car and go to work.”

            “No.”

            “Get the hell out, Tim! I’m not kidding right now.” her fear turned her face into an unreadable mask, not willing to let him see that she was scared. Tim swung open the door, kicking it closed as he stomped away. Darcy locked the door and sped away past him, her stomach turning as she tried to stay calm.

Darcy, Carly and Ian had a quiet lunch since Darcy felt a massive amount of anxiety growing in her stomach. She picked at her food, handing it to Carly who devoured the rest of it once her food was done. She had one of those crazy-fast metabolisms that didn’t allow her to gain anything, keeping her body slim and toned. Darcy was always a little envious of that, having gained weight since graduating high school, most of it going to her hips and her breasts.

            “I don’t have a good feeling about this, guys.” Darcy ran her hands through her hair, combing through the knots before letting the long locks fall into her face again. Ian rubbed her back lightly, trying to calm her fidgety form.

            “What will he do?”

            “I’m not even sure, but I know that once he’s off work it won’t be good.” Darcy checked her phone. There was already 3 missed calls from Tim’s work and 2 texts from him. The anxiety moved into her chest, making it harder to breathe.

            “Fuck him,” Carly said around a mouthful of food. “Really, just dump his ass. He is an ass anyways. You’ve been miserable for years!”

 

            They made sure Darcy had picked up the things she needed before heading back to her place and settling on the couch and watching a movie. Ian held her hand once she had calmed down enough, and she had left her phone in the kitchen so not to hear when Tim called. He had tried to call her eight times since she got home, and had tried to FaceTime her thirteen times after. Halfway into The Hobbit, Darcy finally got up and answered her phone. She told Tim it was over, over FaceTime and then went back to the couch.

            There was a knock at the door an hour later, right around the time Darcy’s mother would be home. Darcy instantly went to the door, unlocking it with the overwhelming feeling of safety her mother brought. Until Tim walked through the door, causing Darcy to gasp audibly.

            “What are you doing here?”

            “I had to see you,”  
            “No, Tim, go home. I don’t want to see you.”

            “Darcy, please, we can talk about this.  We can get through this.” he pleaded, walking into the house like he owned it. Darcy closed the door and sent off a quick text to her mom to come home soon.

            _Help. Tim’s here. I tried to break up with him, he walked over. Come home and help please._  Darcy hit send and sent an apologetic glance to Carly and Ian, whom were now watching her worriedly. She walked to the kitchen, keeping herself in view of both of them in case anything occurred.

            “Tim, you have to go home.”

            “Why?”

            “Because I don’t want you here,” Darcy crossed her arms.

            “Darcy, please, don’t leave me...” He tried to uncross her arms so that he could grab her hands.

            “No, it’s done Tim. I’m done. I can’t take this anymore, I haven’t been happy in years,”  
            “Why?”

            “Why?!?!” Darcy pulled away from Tim, taking a step back. “Tim, you haven’t given this relationship any effort in months! I’ve been the one doing everything but you don’t care.” Darcy felt her eyes fill up with angry tears.

            “I can change, please Darcy,” Tim’s voice broke, making her feel worse about having to do this again. She looked over to Carly and Ian, who were pretending to watch a Youtube video on Ian’s phone but we watching just over the screen, the volume up just enough to cover up their own whispers.

            “No Tim, you’ve been saying that since high school now. I’m done.”

            Darcy’s mom walked through the day, instantly in protective mama-bear mode as she put down her work stuff. She marched straight into the kitchen and told Tim to leave.

            Which he did.


	6. Relationship, but not really

Darcy spent her time split evenly between her mother, Carly and Ian after Tim left. He decided to move back in with his mother, letting his landlord kick him out. It took him a month and a half since he had quit his job, making his work place call Darcy (who was, coincidentally, his emergency contact) to see what was up. Darcy had come by afterwards to see if he was alive, before gathering up what little things she had left in his place before tossing the key down the toilet and going home. He had come by a few times after that to try and talk, but Darcy wound up slamming the door in his face.

.

            She knew that it wasn’t really Tim’s fault in the end for their breakup, but she used whatever excuse she could get to get out of their relationship. He had left her some nasty messages on Facebook, also tagging her in hateful statuses. By then Darcy had taken it upon herself to log in to his account and delete everything to do with them from the past few years. After doing so, she unfriended him and blocked him.

            Ian had been by her side throughout the entire thing. He sat with her quietly when they watched movies and held her hand, until she started to cry. Then he would pull her into his lap and hold her for a while. This lasted until Darcy would calm down, until her focus from her pain went to the focus on his lips near hers as he held her. One of them would always go in for the kiss, and the rest went from there.

            Darcy spent a week doing a couple hours of overtime a day, making her more and more exhausted after each shift. By the time it was her day off, she went over to see Ian and wound up falling asleep on his bed before he had even chosen a movie to watch. Ian had nudged her over until she was at the wall and shifted to lay beside her, keeping an arm under her neck while she napped. Darcy woke up once the movie was over with her curls slept on and her glasses under the pillow.

            There came days where Darcy would come over to Ian’s and simply sleep, since she found that his presence soothed her. On days that she didn’t nap around him, they spent their time driving around town. Ian would occasionally hold her hand as they walked around the local stores, but only when he was sure that they were alone. When someone that would recognize them would cross their path, he would release her and walk a little faster.

            Darcy never questioned it, but when Carly had sent the _“When do you plan on asking out Darcy properly?”_

 _Never,_ he had replied with. Carly placed the phone in front of Darcy on the counter at work.

            “I don’t know Darce, if he’s not all that serious I wouldn’t keep going with this.”

 

            “Darcy, I didn’t want to go into this with anything but here’s the thing,” Ian had sat Darcy down after a trip to the theatres. Darcy’s hands shook, she knew that something was off ever since Carly had nagged him to ask Darcy out. He seemed distant, but never hesitated to spend time with her. He was pretty jumpy tonight though, and Darcy could feel trouble brewing. Darcy sat in the swivel chair, keeping her hands knotted in her lap. “I don’t want a relationship with you. I like what we have, and I think I love you, but I can’t do a relationship. I mean, we are in a relationship, but we’re not. Even saying that this is a relationship gives me anxiety, because of what happened with my past one… “

            “Ian,” Darcy signed, her chest constricting. “I just want you, I want us.. I love you.”

            “Darce… I have commitment issues. And I think we should take a minute, because we just said ‘I love you’.”

           

            The next few months seemed to go fine after that, with Darcy and Ian spending more time together again. They hung out with his group of friends, and he held her hand and cuddled her in front of them, eliciting some “ooooh” and “awwws.” Ian occasionally told her he loved her, and Darcy continuously told him she loved him. When the subject of going more public with their affections came up, Ian seemed to clam up and changed the subject. So when asked by her own friends, Darcy wound parrot Ian and say that they were “in a relationship that wasn’t a relationship really.”

            The “wasn’t really a relationship” part got to her when Darcy introduced Ian to some of her childhood friends. Her best friend with the sixth grade, Peter, had not taken to Ian at all from the start. He told her many times whenever Ian’s name came up. When Darcy had gotten a text from Ian’s friend Ryder, her heart dropped from her chest to the floor.

            _Darcy?_

_Yes?_

_Ian was with a girl last night. He was really drunk and they were pretty close and they wound up exchanging numbers. They made out quite a bit._

_….. Thanks, Ryder._


	7. Do you miss me at all?

Darcy had moved in August. Her apartment was only a few blocks away from Culver’s campus. The one-bedroom had been in an area belonging to an overflow for student housing, for those who were too late in getting a spot in the dorms. Darcy had paid the security deposit with a big chunk of her trust fund, which her mother had set up for her when she was a baby. Darcy was never sure how much was in the fund, but her mother had told her when she was fifteen that her birth father had contributed since she was born. She had never met the guy, and her mother never mentioned him by name or by how they split up, but she knew he existed somewhere.

Darcy had a feeling that her father had funded her mother when she was younger, since having a young daughter while in law school would have been pretty expensive. Darcy’s mother was straight out of high school when Darcy was born. They had lived with her grandparents up until she was old enough to get into preschool, and Darcy’s mother set to work at her career. She had gotten into law school when she was twenty-five years old, making Darcy six at the time.

Now with Darcy in college, she had found out the extent of her funding. The scholarships she had received had only covered about half of the costs for her tuition. Her mother had not let her apply for student loans since she assured her that everything was covered. Darcy found out in her first month that monthly contributions were still being made to her account. The account number was unfamiliar, with only the initials ‘TS’ attached. That was the most she knew about her father now: his initials, and that he was loaded.

Once Darcy had moved into her apartment and gotten settled, she went home to spend the last weeks with her mother and Ian. They had made up before she left with the moving van but they only had a few brief moments before she had to leave. Tim had arrived not long after Ian had left, passing him on the road. What could have been his forgiveness turned into his rage when he came to see Darcy. He had yelled and tried to block her way as she packed boxes into the back of the trailer. She could feel a slight fear of being trapped until her mother came out with a duffel bag and told him off. Tim peeled out of the driveway, swerving so not to hit the neighbor’s car. Now going home seemed like a hazard, even with holing up in Ian’s house or her mother’s.

Coming back, Darcy had discovered that Ian had gained a girlfriend in the short time between their breakup, and her arrival back from Louisiana. She had to drive down to New Orleans and fly from there. Ian had been waiting there at the gate for her when she touched down, along with his girlfriend. She apparently, had wanted to meet Darcy. Her name was Anna. She was beautiful, thin and still lived in Albuquerque. Darcy’s heart broke again, but smiled as she walked towards them, Ian pulling her into one of his signature hugs she loved so much.

 

Once it was time to go back to Culver, Darcy’s heart was heavy. She had spent most of her time in her mother’s house, sleeping while she could and trying hard to stay a distance from Ian, of which the odds were not in her favour. He had made his way over a few times while Anna was at work and they had watched movies. He rubbed her lower back while they watched, helping her endure her cramps that day. He kissed her that day, which made her feel worse.

It was just days until orientation when Darcy got the text:

  _Anna broke up with me. :(_

_I’m sorry to hear that, Ian. What happened?_

_I don’t want to talk about it…_

_Did she find out about…_

_Yes, I told her. But she also had decided to sleep with someone else._

_Wow. I’m sorry._

_Darce… I need you…_

Darcy flew home again, missing her orientation at a moment’s notice. Both much to her dismay and her luck. Darcy spent a day with Ian, mostly in bed. He had not wanted to talk about his short-lived, failed relationship with the beautiful Anna. She was evidently everything in a woman he wanted in a woman, making Darcy feel incredibly inadequate.

The next morning Darcy flew back to Culver, Phil Coulson from home picking her up at the airport. He had been accepted to Culver on full scholarship for social work. He was convinced he was destined to join the FBI or SHIELD once he was graduated. They spent the day wandering around campus so that Darcy could have an idea of where everything was, since she had skipped out on orientation.

Coulson spent the day with her, driving around New Orleans in order for Darcy to get stuff to decorate her apartment with. She made him supper in her tiny kitchen and started to unpack more of her clothes, leaving them in a pile on her fuzzy disc chair.

“So what do you see in him?” He asked as he laid out over Darcy’s super comfortable double bed.

            “Who?”

            “Ian, what do you see in him Darcy?”

            Darcy was caught off guard, slowly folding the t-shirt in her arms for the fourth or fifth time. As if on cue, her phone buzzed on the dresser. It was him.

            _Hey beautiful. :)_

Darcy clicked the top button and tossed her phone beside Coulson. She sighed, unfolding the t-shirt again. “Honestly? It’s how he was there for me when I was with Tim. He was always there to listen when I needed to rant… But now I can’t rant to him about him, well… Because it’s him. He doesn’t see it like I do.”

            “How does he feel about you?”

            “He said he loves me, but obviously that’s never been enough to make me his girlfriend. The long distance part of it all is what makes or breaks it, he said.”

            “But what about when you still lived there?” Coulson picked up her phone, tossing it up in the air above his head and catching it at the last minute. After a couple tosses, he began playing with the rubbery part on her case.

            “I don’t know, we tried talking about it. Or I did. But it was no use.”

            “You should probably let him go.”

            “That sounds easier than it actually is.” Darcy put the shirt into one of her drawers finally. She picked up another t-shirt and started to fold it.

 

            Darcy flew home every major holiday, and even a few weekends in between holidays, to go home. She always managed to stop by Ian’s for a while, even with her mother’s pleading her not to. She felt bad with leaving her mother hanging, running off to go and see a boy whom didn’t even love her. Most of the time she wound up just going to his place for a few hours to watch movies and have sex, which started to lose its novelty for her. She could tell that he was starting to get bored with her.

 

            Coulson and Darcy’s new friend Jane quickly learned Darcy’s routine. She would be sick of Ian after going home to see him, then not talk to him much while she was at university. He didn’t reach out to her much save for when he “needed her”, prompting Darcy to fly home for the weekend. Most of the time Ian would be working at his new job, and they would spend hours into the night watching movies, rarely ever talking anymore. When Darcy would leave, she’d be frustrated and at an emotional roadblock of sorts. Ian never seemed to be. Each time, she’d return to Culver and cry to Coulson and Jane.

            Tim would come to see her sometimes at her mother’s house. Darcy never let him stay for long, and would never let him into the house, so they would sit on the porch steps. He would always try to convince her to come back to him but Darcy only gave him enough hope that maybe later she would. The first time he came to see her, she had refused to see him. Tim responded by grabbing one of the gardening tools from the steps and attempted to harm himself with it. The blade was dull and blunted, but Darcy knew that when Tim was determined he would succeed somehow, so she agreed to talk to him. The next times he came to talk, she kept all and any tools inside the house.

            By the end of her semester, Darcy had taken a summer internship in New Orleans with Jane, having only gone home a week before starting work. She hadn’t talked to Ian in a few weeks by now and didn’t see a window where she would have time to anyways. Her and Jane had applied for an internship with the Astrophysics professor at Culver, Erik Selvig. It was mainly stargazing and recording data from Erik’s instruments but Darcy took it.

            The summer went by quickly and Jane learned from Erik how to make her own equipment for stargazing. Two months in, she decided that Astrophysics would be her major. Darcy was still undecided but the internship gave her some credits towards any science electives she needed. The two of them spent a lot of their free time with Erik as he went on tangent upon tangent on the wonders of the universe. He wanted to prove that the constellations were actually coordinates for us as humans to decode and travel to.

            Jane was completely taken with the subject, devouring book after book in Erik’s library. Darcy was less so, but busied herself with fixing Erik’s equipment until it was in working order. She hadn’t heard from Ian in weeks, who apparently had found himself a new girlfriend again. Darcy was instantly forgotten and put on the sidelines. She hadn’t bothered to make it home at all during the summer, but her mother had flown out a couple of times to visit her. They had gone house hunting for herself and Jane, since they had decided to move in together.

            By the end of the summer Jane and Darcy had moved into their new-ish, small house and were paying rent to Darcy’s mother. They had decided on a place a little farther away from campus but was within walking distance to bus stops and a couple of shopping centers. Jane set up the basement as a lab for her and Darcy to build her equipment and Darcy had decided to start building a computer in part of the lab. It was when Darcy was soldering a circuit board for Jane that she got a text from Ian.

            _Hey Darcy… How are you?_


	8. This is it

Darcy’s phone buzzed as she worked on an essay for poly sci, jerking her out of her trance as she had been typing away for nearly two hours now. She had been on a roll, having completed ⅔ of it since she had sat down on her bed to work on it.  She had spent the last two weeks planning, organizing, doing rough drafts and starting all over once her tutor made notes on her progress. She had allocated time for tonight to work on her final draft, the due date only two days from now.

            Darcy lifted her phone to see the familiar name on the screen, along with a picture. Darcy’s heart leapt painfully in her chest, making her all the more confused as she tapped the answer button. _“Ian?”_

_“Darcy.”_

            _“What’s up?”_

 _“I just got off work. I haven’t slept in four days, Darce.”_ she could tell from his tone that something was off. It wasn’t something bad, but it was different.

            _“Is something wrong? You sound different.”_

_“I’m just tired, Darce. I miss you.”_

Darcy sighed, _“I miss you too, Ian. When are you coming to see me?”_

_“In time, love. It’d be quicker if you came to me though.”_

_“I’m coming for Thanksgiving, but that’s still awhile away.”_

There was a pause on Ian’s end, Darcy hearing him running, his breathing quickening. She could hear sounds of traffic: vehicles driving, the ticking countdown of a crosswalk light, and a few beeps from a vehicle’s horn. _“Sorry, I had to cross the highway. But thanksgiving? That’s very far.”_

_“I know…. But you could still come here before that.”_

_“Darcy, I would, you know that. I completely will when I get the money to do it.”_

_“ I know.”_ Darcy played with the top part of her blanket, knowing that Jane was in the other room and would kill her at this point if she heard who she was talking to. Jane would then call Coulson, and the two of them together would kick her ass.

_“I mean, I just moved out so I’m paying rent now. You understand.”_

_“Yes Ian, I do.”_

_“But Darce… I love you, you know that, right?”_

_“I love you too,”_ Darcy’s stomach flipped painfully, wishing he could be there himself to tell her. It had only been a month since she had seen him, when she went home to visit before the new academic year started. She had gone home to where she had medical insurance for her tonsil removal surgery. He had come to see her when she could eat and drink almost normally again, and they had only spent a day or two together out of all that time. He had put on a movie for them while she was doped up on painkillers, falling asleep with her legs crossed over his lap.

_“I don’t know much right now, Darce. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life or where I’m going. But I know that I love you.”_

_“You’re very sleep deprived.”_

_“I am. But I love you still. It sucks that I do, but I do.”_

_“.... I’ve got to go now, Ian. Big essay to finish.”_

_“Bye Darce.”_ His voice was uncharacteristically soft, which hurt Darcy even more to know that he didn’t really mean what he had said. His sleep deprived mind had made him say things that he usually wouldn’t, had made her feel exactly how she didn’t want to anymore. Darcy hit end and dropped her phone onto the bed.

            “Ughhh…” Darcy groaned, laying back on the bed and pulling the laptop up onto her chest in order to find her spot again in the essay.

           

 

            Darcy and Ian were in the middle of a text conversation when the deal-breaker hit.

            _“I know that I am capable of love, Darce, but I can’t. Loving you is the worst possible thing for me right now.”_

The short text was not only a blow to her ego, but was the final punch that knocked her down. Her mind started to race as she tried to think up alternative possibilities to what he could’ve meant, if there was a more positive flipside to his message. She waited for fifteen minutes to see if that first text was the beginning of a point, but there was none. That was simply it. It was then that it began to hurt. She tapped out a quick response before shutting off her phone for a while.

            _“Good to know… If that’s the case, don’t expect me to come see you for Thanksgiving.”_

After a few hours of some much needed couch and ice cream time with Jane, Darcy returned to her phone, finding no outstanding texts waiting for her when she rebooted the device. That was even worse.

            The first few weeks hurt more than anything. Jane and Coulson had done what they could to keep her company, but even school and part-time jobs couldn’t be ignored. Darcy dove into her books, feeling the need to drown out her sorrows in her assignments and try to fill a void with many textbook readings. It started to work. Amongst the homework, there was a lot of crying, and a few drunken nights where Darcy wound up pouring out her broken heart to Coulson. He had laid beside her in bed as she cried and patted her shoulder, offering suggestions on how to get back at Ian. Darcy refused all of them.

            It took a few months for Darcy to start to feel completely normal again. She didn’t have many problems with talking to people and guys were always there to flirt with, but she had never done anything about it since in her mind she was always never good enough. It was a tough hurdle to jump, getting over one’s own insecurities. When she wasn’t crying as much anymore, Coulson had suggested she get on Tinder. Two weeks later, a blonde, athletic looking guy named Steve had matched with her. He sent her a message not long after, when Darcy was in the middle of admiring his chosen pictures.

            _Hey doll, how’s it going? :)_


End file.
